


Baby Mine

by RedSnow1



Category: Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them (Movies)
Genre: Adopted Children, Adoption, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Babies, Broken Families, Childbirth, Established Relationship, F/M, False Pregnancy, Married Couple, Married Tina Goldstein/Newt Scamander, Mental Anguish, Pregnancy, Protective Parents, Psychoanalysis, Psychological Trauma, Sad with a Happy Ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-18
Updated: 2019-09-18
Packaged: 2020-10-21 04:03:34
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,098
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20687201
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RedSnow1/pseuds/RedSnow1
Summary: /OS/Newt and Tina want to start a family. In life, you don't always get what you want.





	Baby Mine

**Author's Note:**

> Hey there my friends !
> 
> You have been waiting for it, here it is, my sad story "Baby Mine". It is sad, very sad, and I wanted to talk about this issue for a long time. But, you know me, it has a happy ending ;)
> 
> This was written for the Hogwash challenge as a gift to @LinHao. I hope you will like my Newtina Angst.
> 
> Massive thank you to my incredible beta @Nakahisa whose guidance has allowed me to achieve something I am happy to share with you ! You are the best of the best and I am so glad I got you as a beta <3
> 
> Please, enjoy and let me know what you thought about it <3

When Tina opened her eyes, she immediately knew that something was wrong. Her sixth sense — or Auror one, as her husband liked to call it, was sending her a warning that danger was near. She ignored it, peacefully succumbing to slumber. Her entire body was heavy — especially her lids which she couldn’t keep open. She was exhausted — unable to move,  not wanting  to understand anything. All she wanted was to rest after all the efforts and the surgery.  However,  the room was too quiet — or maybe too loud —  and  she couldn’t make out anything  with the numbness . T he healers  seemed busy, one  hurrying  over towards her to  dab her head with a cold cloth.  Tina relished the feeling of something cold against her skin, reasoning that she must have pushed herself to her limits.  She  felt flushed, her clothes plastered to her skin from the sweat .  Blinking her eyes to focus her vision, she noted that the healers seemed to be talking normally to each other, and rather loudly too — they weren’t huddled together whispering and her ears were starting to adjust to the volume of sounds.  She couldn’t  comprehend it though, even though she  _ knew _ she was hearing them . She couldn’t breathe  properly though . Her entire body hurt , and the visuals were beginning to make her dizzy.

A man  came to stand  in front of her — trying to get her attention. To her, he was only a blurry white stain — she was not even able to recognize him. His cold hand had taken hers.  It felt strange, it felt  _ wrong _ .  She didn’t want to be touched , not by this man . She didn’t even  know him. The brunette took a deep breath , struggling to raise her hand to her eyes, wishing she could rub out the exhaustion and  understand what all the fuss was about.

“Mrs. Scamander ?” She heard,  the words so faint they sounded far away .

The man called her again, and this time Tina could make out the words clearer.  His voice  felt calm  in her ears, and she smiled groggily — she wasn’t scared of him anymore. Slightly more conscious now, she recognized the bearded face that belonged to the healer that had followed through her pregnancy. A nice, comprehensive man who had helped her overcome her deepest worries. Her pregnancy — she thought. She patted her belly — that had now regained its original size. No more baby bump. No more baby. The witch suddenly bolted upright, and looked around the room, desperate to catch a glance of the child she had  just given birth to. There was no crib in the ward : nothing but healers  pouring over notes, seemingly discussing about something .

“Where is my baby ?” She croaked.

She wanted them to tell her that it had been taken away for tests and  a bath .

She wanted them to tell her how beautiful he or she was.

She needed to know that her child was safe — healthy.

Tina stared at the Healer, trying to make him guess her worries. Trying to make him talk.

But she caught the man’s  frown and the barest of smiles,  and she knew. She understood why her sixth sense had woken her up, why she was feeling dizzy and lost. Something had gone wrong. Her chest jolted as a sob escaped her lips.

He opened his mouth.

She didn’t want him to say it.

“We are very sorry Mrs. Scamander —”

* * *

It was late at night. Newt and Tina were both lying on their bed, ready to surrender to slumber. The woman’s hand was resting on top of her swollen belly, caressing the top fondly — thinking about the being slowly growing inside of her. She was a few months away from getting to know her baby and nothing in the world could have made her happier. Her husband, resting by her side, had protectively wrapped his hand on top of hers, spooning her comfortably. Inside, she felt a horde of butterflies setting free inside of her stomach and wondered whether it was "their little bean" moving — or if it was only sheer happiness.

“What do you think it will be ?” She found herself voicing out loud.

It was a tradition of their own. Every night, before sleeping, they would imagine their lives with a newborn. Newt, half way  asleep, sighed joyfully. She turned around, now facing him. His eyelashes were fluttering, his eyes glassy. Out of tenderness, she pushed away a strand of rogue hair keeping her from observing his remarkable features. And she smiled.

“Hopefully a little girl, so that she would look just like you.” He said, planting a kiss on her soft lips.

Tina smiled widely, picturing a brown haired girl running around the garden, chasing after some imaginary enemies. She could almost hear her giggles as her father began to play with her. She would look at them, from the back of the garden, her perfect little family. In her mind, she did — indeed, look a lot like her and yet had her father’s eyes — an  indescribable shade of light green. She was beautiful. She would be strong.

“Or a baby boy.” She said softly.

Light brown tousled hair. Freckles. Salamander’s eyes. Yes, she could picture the most perfect little boy in the world. Quiet, dreamy, just like his father. They would name him after Newt’s father. There was a silence. Tina knew that Newt was doing the same thing as she was : picturing their lives with a child. Both closed their eyes — they were exhausted and tomorrow, they  had plans to rearrange the nursery.

“We’d call him Bernard.”

The brunette scoffed, opening her eyes in shock. Whenever they tried to think of names, her husband and his vivid imagination always came up with something — quite unusual. But this was quite different from naming creatures — this was their child. She always laughed whenever a new beast was born and Newt  joined her after settling and cleaning up , telling her about the name he had chosen. She smiled widely, shaking her head negatively.

“Newt — We are not calling our son Bernard.”

He opened his mouth to say something — but before any sounds managed to escape his lips, she shushed him, putting her finger on his pouty lips.

“Nor are we calling our daughter Therese.”

Her husband giggled and so did she. They had talked about it before.

“Are you saying you don’t like the name I chose ?”

The brunette chuckled softly, rubbing her bump, feeling the little one moving inside of her. She put her husband’s hand on top so that he would feel it too — feel the baby they had made, the baby they would soon be able to hold between their arms.

“They are — unique.” She quietly replied.

“So is our child.”

Porpentina Scamander smiled. How did he always manage to get it right ? How did he always manage to find the right words at the right time ? It was part of the reason she loved him a fter  all. No matter what happened, he knew what to say to her — despite his shyness and awkwardness. After years of marriage, she appreciated it even more, especially since they hadn’t had an easy life since the war had ended.

“Can you believe it ? We are going to be parents, Newt.”

Sadness shot through his eyes — and she too, felt a pang of pain upon remembering how hard it had been for the two of them to get there. The babies they had lost. The hope they had felt diminishing.

None of that mattered now.

“After all this time…”

After all these failed attempts.

After the despair.

After the tears, and arguments.

After almost giving up.

“… we’ve won.” She whispered.

  
  


* * *

When Tina opened her eyes again, she was feeling empty and numb. A cursory glance around her suggested that she was back in her hospital room — the crib that had been meant to host her newborn was empty — as it would always remain. Someone — a healer or nurse — should have put it away, so that it wouldn’t remind them of what they had lost, what they never had. She rubbed her eyes — it was all coming back to her now. After the doctor had explained the situation to her, she had lost it, struggling off the bed and fending off the healers. But in her weakened state they caught her easily, injecting her with a sedative. A simple shot and she was gone. Her last memories came to her mind once more, and tears began to roll down her cheeks silently as she remembered their hurtful words, a truth she had been eager to forget. 

On the other side of the room, noticing that she had awakened, her husband ran to her side and took her hand in his, trying to soothe her.  Newt’s  eyes were bloodshot from having cried too much and  Tina  found herself  feeling relieved that she hadn’t been there to see this.  Her pain was unbearable — his would have only made it worse. Sometimes, it was best if they suffered apart. Sometimes, sharing a burden was too much.

“Tina…” He croaked.

The  anguish  in his voice made her heart clench, and she let go of his hand only to rest it on top of her now very flat stomach. Not willing to leave her alone, he did what he thought was best, and pulled a few strands of hair out of her wet, sweaty face. Tina closed her eyes — his touch  burnt  her skin. It was the weight of the guilt. It was both of their despair.

“I’m so sorry Newt.” She managed to whisper under her breath.

_ I’m so sorry I wasn’t able to give you what you wanted. _

_ What we both wanted. _

_ I’m sorry we lost. _

He smiled but his heart wasn’t there. His lips were quivering — oh how she wanted to take his pain away. It was all her fault. She had desired that baby so much it ended up ruining everything. As she always did. Newt caressed her cheeks softly — tears rolling down his cheeks.

“If I ever put pressure on your shoulders, please, I need you to know how sorry I am…”

He felt guilty as well — only none of this was his fault. She sighed, and turned away from him to hide the tears dancing in her eyes. She couldn’t face him yet — couldn’t witness his pain. It was too much — too hard. She had failed him — and their  relationship . They had lost their dream.

They had lost everything.

“Please… Don’t look at me like that.” She sobbed against her pillow.

“Like what ?” He said, tearfully.

“Like it’s not my fault.”

They broke down, sobbing, holding each other tight. Two souls lost in a cruel world that had already taken too much from them. Both of them blaming themselves for this situation, both of them knowing that they had something to do with it. And they cried until there was no more tears left. Until the sun was down. Until their eyes were too swollen to remain open.

Newt ’s head was resting on top of her belly and she  slowly threaded her fingers through  his locks, lost in her thoughts. A few weeks ago, they had been in the same position, only her baby was still  in there — and her husband was singing a lullaby to their heir. They were happier back then. Reality hadn’t crushed their dreams. She bit her lip, trying to keep another wave of fresh tears from flowing down her cheek. He would notice — it would all start again.

“We could try again. If you want — not right now of course but —” He tried, but stopped.

Too soon.

Too fresh.

Too painful.

“What if — we can never have a child of our own Newt ?” She found herself saying  out  loud.

It had been their deepest worry. It had been their worst nightmare.

Healers had told them how difficult it would be for the two of them to  conceive . They had chosen to avoid the warning , choosing to hope for the best . They shouldn’t have.

Maybe they were not meant to be parents after all. Maybe fate hadn’t have that in store for them.

“Then we could always adopt.” He said.

Tina  smiled sadly.

It wouldn’t be the same.

But she had to face the truth. She would never be able to go through this pain again.

“I will always love you, Porpentina Scamander. With, or without a child.”

  
  


* * *

Children  ran  around, laughing and playing on the grass. Most of them were  engaged in a game of hide and seek , squealing when they were found. A handful  were simply chatting  with such happiness and innocence, swaying lightly on the vacant swings. The  energetic  youth  swarmed  all around her, dancing in front of her weary eyes. Porpentina Scamander sat on a bench, staring  blankly into the  distance ,  hearing the sounds that contrasted so much with her current mood.  Her hands were shaking, resting on top of her flat stomach — old habit s die hard. 

Tina  had left the hospital a few weeks ago, and every day, as she went out to clear her mind, her steps would always lead her here, to this playground.  Here , she could be at peace,  steeped in her thoughts without her dear husband constantly worrying about her health and mental state. Here, she could watch longingly  at the life she had always wanted for herself — the life she would probably never get.  At the playground, she  was the only woman with no children to watch  over , no  pram  containing a newborn.  The other  mothers were gloating, showing off their offspring — and she wished she could  be one of them.  Tina had no idea why she did this to herself; she was the only one alone in this child-friendly environment, after insisting on some needed time to herself.  Newt let her — of course. He too had been deeply affected by the news. They needed some space to fully process what had happened. They needed time away.

Tina scoffed, her mind filled with the memories she had  brushed aside .

They had tried to tell her. To warn her.

She hadn’t listened. She hadn’t wanted to.

How was she supposed to know  that they were giving her hints of the inevitable ?

_ “That’s odd — I don’t feel anything.” _ The young healer had said, while touching her  abdomen as per routine check on the baby’s growth.

It had been the first test she had done after finding out on her own that she was pregnant.  Instead of listening to the healer,  Tina had convinced herself that her baby was perhaps too  small to be detected . That the Healer wasn’t well trained ; that he was using a strange method to check on her baby . After all,  St Mungo’s had assigned a very young man  that probably just graduated from  Hogwarts  to her; it was entirely possible that his inexperience affected his diagnosis — the healer had insisted against using spells so as not to hurt the fetus . There was a reasonable explanation for this, and she just had to find it. She had gone home that night, and had told her husband what had happened. Newt hadn’t found it worrying —  Tina was still in the early stages of her pregnancy —  and their life, filled with happiness, went on as usual. That day, they talked about starting to paint the nursery, right next to their bedroom. And the idea of becoming parents was slowly making its way into them.

_ “Your urine test came off negative.” _ The second one had told her.

Tina had scoffed, protectively holding her swollen belly. Science was failing her — but she knew  better . She had been pregnant before  after all . How  else can  they explain her bump ? Her swollen breasts ? The nausea and fatigue ?  In addition, she  hadn’t had her period in months ! How could he tell her that the test was negative  ? Maybe it was her hormones ?  Maybe the test was flawed, contaminated. 

She hadn’t mentioned any of it to her husband, believing that they were wrong — all of them.  Tina  was a woman who knew her body very well. She could tell that something was different. Besides, they had both been dreaming of it for far too long. She couldn’t disappoint  him .

She went home that night and found her husband searching for baby names.

Porpentina Scamander closed her eyes —  recent  memories coming back to her.  The moments leading up to her eventually needing to be sedated.

_ “Where is my baby ?” _ She had croaked.

She was now in a sitting position despite the healers trying to pin her down after the brief struggle to break free . She couldn’t remain down , not when she had to know.  Perhaps  a part of her already knew , had  always known  after the very first healer’s comment . And yet, all those months, she had done her best to remain in denial, preferring the illusion of happiness to the usual disappointment that had been her life for the past years.

_ “We are very sorry Mrs. Scamander — but there was no baby.” _

Shock had spread all over her face — she couldn’t understand. What did they mean by that ? Had the baby died in birth ?  The way they said those horrid words, it sounded like there had never been one. No. No no.  It couldn’t be true — she had felt it. She had carried it all those months, taking care of herself and  the  little bean growing inside of her.

_ “What do you mean there was no baby ? Of course there was. Where is my child?!” _ She  tried to tug her hands free. This was all insane, she would get up and search the room and all the rooms if needed.

She needed to see it. How perfect the child was.

She needed to know how it looked like.

Was it a boy or a girl ? Did it look more like Newt or her ?

All this nonsense about there being no baby, she would not accept it. 

_ “Mrs. Scamander — We know you have had difficulties conceiving — And this —  _ _ Your pregnancy. It  _ _ could be a reaction induced by your mind.” _

She had  frozen at that spot , trying to process what they had told her. Her mind ? What has it to do with any of it ? She had experienced contractions, had felt her baby kicking inside her belly. Surely she couldn’t have imagined it. The pain of feeling the baby coming — and her swollen stomach. What were they saying ? She couldn’t understand. She wouldn’t understand.

_ “I could feel it move. I — could feel it. Please  _ _ stop this _ _ , just give me my baby.” _ She had started to sob.  _ “Please, even if my baby died at birth… Please… Let me see my child.” _

_ “We are so sorry, Mrs. Scamander —” _

She had fought them, begging them to give back what they had stolen from her.  She remembered accusing them of being Grindelwald’s followers, trying to destroy her family.  She had screamed and punched  and kicked her way to the other room, hoping to find a crib  with a small being inside . She had fought them — fought the truth. And she had lost. The crib would always remain empty.  There was no choice but  to accept it.

Porpentina Scamander had never been pregnant. That was the reason why the first healer hadn’t been able to feel anything — why the urine test had come off negative. There was never a baby growing inside her belly — despite what her body had shown. This…  It was inconclusive but it could be either a trick of her mind  — a reaction to her distress and  desire  to become a mother  — or a physical condition .  Or perhaps some severe hormonal disruption from stress. The pressure of the society, of her husband — despite his knowledge mixed with her hopes. Her mind, her thoughts, her body had been convinced that she was expecting — her belly had grown over months, her symptoms changing. She had felt the movement. And yet — none of this had ever been real.

There had never been a baby.

Only her despair. Her denial.

Popentina Scamander fought back another wave of tears, and focused back on the playground once more, searching to escape her own thoughts and memories. She noticed a group of children encircling a little girl — they  appear to be older and were much bigger than her . She frowned  at their actions and looked around hurriedly .  Where was the girl’s mother?  Why wouldn’t  she  come to her rescue ? Why would  the other adults leave her alone to deal with bullies ?  The girl’s cries and pleadings echoed  in her heart, in her soul. She had to do something. The brunette got up, coming closer slowly, unnoticed by the group. Her entire life —  Tina  had fought against oppressors and couldn’t bear the  thought of this  young  girl suffer ing from them too. A little girl without any way to defend herself — how cruel.

“Leave me alone ! All of you.  Go away! ” The girl screamed  out , while waving a stick around to scare the others off.

The  older children only laughed. The girl was crying. They were  only raised their voices even more, talking down  at her.  Looking so proud of themselves surrounding a cowering child. Now closer, Tina could distinguish her features : pale blue eyes — golden curls, wearing an old and stained yellow dress that made her fair skin  stood out . She seemed  to be around  five  years old ,  but  yet — there was such determination in her  eyes , a will to fight. Something she had only seen in  children that had to grow up too early, left to fend for themselves at a young age .  Like what she had to do when her own parents died. Tina’s  heart trembled.  That girl  looked just like Queenie when they were little — just like the little sister she had lost to their enemy, who was now locked up forever in Azkaban. Just like the person she had most loved. Surely, the young girl hadn’t deserved any of it.

And so Porpentina Scamander decided, as an Auror and a sister — to rescue  the girl . 

“ Hey.  She told you to leave her alone.” She found herself  intervening, arms crossed with her stern Auror expression looking at the older children. They scattered, a few tripping over their feet in their haste, shocked to be discovered by an adult and afraid of the angry expression.

Tina waited for the  bullies  to run far away before focusing back on the child in front of her. The girl  was on the ground, arms encircled her knees as she sobbed  silently. Tina crouched down in front of her,  showing the girl that she was not a threat. Pulling out a tissue from her coat pocket, she gave it to the blonde who nodded with gratitude. She didn’t meet her eyes  though . She didn’t try to look at  Tina .

Porpentina Scamander felt a pang in her chest at the sight of the girl’s misery . She wanted to hold her close — and yet knew it wasn’t the right thing to do.

“Where are your parents ?” Tina softly asked,  disapproving of the child’s guardians already .

“Dead.”

The reply didn’t catch her by surprise though. Tina  sighed. From the moment she had seen the girl, she had  her suspicions .  The other adults’ reaction, or lack thereof, was a contributing factor; they didn’t seem to care.  It was  also  written in  the child’s  defensive behavior, in her  desperation to stand up for herself  and to overcome threats. The little one reminded her so much of herself, years back, when she had to protect Queenie from other children  even though the odds were stacked against them both . How could the orphanage let her come alone in here, knowing full well that other children would mock her, and try to make her even more miserable ?

“Come on, I’ll  take  you home. What’s your name ?”

Unsure of how the girl would react,  Tina  held out her hand and waited.  Slowly, the girl finally looked warily at Tina, regarding the outstretched hand. Still silent, she reached out and took the offered hand shyly. The Auror’s  hand gently  wrapped around  the smaller one  — showing her that she was safe, that there was nothing to fear anymore.  Tina was here, and she  would keep her safe. They slowly walked side by side, and Tina’s heart warmed up as she felt this unfamiliar pang in her chest. They talked a bit during the journey home,  the child eventually opening up more, sharing  about how people refused to adopt her because she was strange.  Things kept happening around her, she had no idea why but she was blamed, teased and punished for it. Tina’s eyes widened at the realization of the words. This girl  was a  very  young witch who had not been taught how to control her powers , and she was staying in a muggle orphanage. The brunette listened carefully to the babbling child who had finally found someone willing to understand her. She listened , reacting at appropriate times, feeling sympathy for the girl. As long as the child remain ed in  the care of muggles, she would never be able to bloom and become whoever she was supposed to be. And as Tina left her at the entrance of  the orphanage , the young girl turned to her with a smile and said.

“ Ma’am?  My name is Therese.”

As the door closed  in front of her , Tina  stared at the spot where Therese stood, tears st r eaming down her cheeks . She remembered a conversation between her and her husband , back when times were happier . She remained on the sidewalk a while longer, lost in her thoughts before deciding to go home. With hurried steps, she walked past the threshold, determined to tell her husband  the encounter, and the strange coincidence .

  
  


* * *

They  both stood  on the sidewalk, hand in hand, both shivering. It wasn’t a particularly cold day , just a soft, quiet breeze  that brushed past their reddened cheeks.  Varying degrees of nervousness intermingled with their body heat, and their hands trembled.  In front of them,  stood  a particularly dirty building that once had been white as snow, in it’s previous glory. A building they knew very well by now — and yet today, it  felt like their first time .

They both took deep breaths  but none of them  took the first step  towards the heavy door. Tina  recalled the time when Therese disappeared behind the very same doors, and the many more times she and Newt had both pushed opened it to visit. 

Today was the day where neither doors nor laws could  keep them apart  anymore .

It all seemed  so surreal, after everything they had gone through.  Everyone would  finally be getting their happy ending.  So why then , all of a sudden, were they  holding themselves back ? They had been visiting the  place  for months now. Planning having a child for years. The day before, none of them could conceal their excitement for the day to come.

Maybe it was the thought that their prayers had finally been answered ?

Maybe it was the idea that everything that they had ever wanted was finally their reach.

It was frightening. It almost felt like everything could fall apart once more.

They had lost a child once — one that had never existed but still… In their hearts, that child had all been real. Oh-too-real.

“Are you sure you want to do this ?” Newt asked, gripping on her hand a bit tighter.

Tina smiled weakly, shaking her head, trying to  blink back tears — tears she had bottled up for too long and couldn’t hold  back  anymore. All her life, she had wondered what it would be like to be a mother, especially since she had barely known her own. All her life, she had promised herself she would do anything for her child. Now it was time to prove it. Now, she finally had a chance to see for herself what it felt like to love someone more than anything.

She was ready to see the child that was awaiting behind those closed doors.

“Are you not ?” She said.

Newt turned to look at her. He was worried, fidgeting — Who wouldn’t be ? He was scared of not being enough, of not being  able to shower all the love and care the child will need . Just like Tina was. They were the same. Two future parents about to adopt someone else’s child. It wouldn’t be easy. It wouldn’t always be nice. It didn’t matter. This girl — this young witch awaiting their arrival would change their life just like they suspected they would turn her own world upside down.

For the last couple of months, Newt and Tina had gone to visit Therese at the orphanage. They had immediately told the matron of their desire to adopt her. The paperwork had taken months to fill — months during which they had come to see her every Sundays bearing pastries and pumpkin juice. Therese had warmed up to them, opening up  as much as she could about her past. Newt had  told  her all about his creatures,  even presenting her with a signed  copy of his book for her to understand them better. And Tina — well Tina liked to observe them. She had felt the need to protect Therese the moment she had seen her — just like with Credence, a few years back. The brunette knew that this feeling was very likely never going away. It was all that mattered — right ?

They could be a happy family at last.

“I’ve never been more sure in my life — except perhaps, when I married you.” Newt whispered, bringing her closer so that he could place the softest of kisses on top of her head.

The witch chuckled, but her eyes remained stuck on the closed gates. She laid her hand on top of her flat stomach as a new wave of tears overwhelmed her. She had accepted the fact that she would not have a biological child — but this ? This was her second chance. Tina would love that girl as if she were her own. In a way, she was.

She hadn’t bore her for nine months. She hadn’t given birth to that blonde-haired witch. But Tina was her mother — on paper she was.

She smiled.  _ Family don’t end in blood -- it doesn’t begin there either. _

Tina took another deep breath, and cleared her throat.

“Then, let’s do this. Let’s bring our daughter home.”

Together, they walked  up  the stairs and pushed the door open.

Together, they decided to leave the past behind and start over.

A new life.

With their daughter.

  
  



End file.
